Here's your sign

Tonight Skylar said, "You know what I would love to do more than anything tonight? I want to have the fireplace on, put a blanket on the floor, put a Christmas movie on, and drink hot chocolate.  With whipped cream.  Peppermint whipped cream."

We're raising that girl right.

My Love

You may remember how i feel about marriage. It's the greatest blessing, but it takes work.  The "work" doesn't have to be difficult or challenging though.  Sometimes the "work" you have to do is just making time to be together.  And focusing on the positive.  I hear women complain about their husbands a lot.  Too much.  It's time to build each other up and stop focusing on the negatives.  So, pardon me please while I share a little about "my love."

Last week Brian and I celebrated nine years of marriage and we were blessed to sneak away for a night without the girls (Thanks mom!!).  Sometimes it feels like there's no way 9 years have passed.  Other days it feels like I've known him forever.  What I do know is that in 9 years, my love has continued to grow.  It's one of those "hard to put into words" kind of things.  I suppose it's like having a child.  You LOVE that baby so much and can't imagine loving another child as much.  But then you have a second child and your love just increases.  I like the phrase that "love multiplies, not divides." While we have added three blessings to our lives and have busy schedules, my love continues to multiply.

Yes, he's an amazing dad and that makes me love him even more.  But he's also an amazing husband. He works hard for our family without complaining and plans ahead for our future.  He helps wherever he can with the kids and the house.  (He's also an incredible cook!)

Most importantly he seeks the Lord daily and leads our home spiritually.  We pray together for our girls, our families, our community, and each other.  I admire his strength and love that he makes me feel safe.  We also laugh together and truly enjoy just spending time together.

Nine years is just the beginning...

While we were dating-at my brothers wedding in 2000. 

Headed out for a night last week!

I love you honey! With you is my favorite place to be!

A life of legacy

One of my dearest and closest friends recently blogged about doing something of "significance" with her life.  It resonated with me.  While I know that my girls are significant (and teaching them to be awesome, God-fearing women is a true calling), I know there's more.


I was reminded of that again when we found out that Brian's Aunt Joan had passed away.  She was truly a special lady.  She was an ordained minister with a passion for Christ like most never see.  She had an incredible prayer life! She is the reason that so many folks know of Christ's love and sacrifice.  She loved her family just as passionately.  She had a significant influence in Brian's life and I'm grateful for it!  I only got to know her for ten years, but her legacy will live on in me and many others.  She made sure that there were folks behind her that would carry the torch. 


She was a woman of prayer and although I pray, I know there's a need for someone to step into her shoes and pray even more.  They are big shoes.  By God's grace, I will make sure her life's mission will continue for generations to come.  


When I finally reach the gates of heaven, I want those left behind to carry my legacy too.  I want them to see my shoes as "big." 


What kind of legacy are you leaving? One of pessimism? One of anger or doubt or fear? One of being miserly? Unapproachable? Or are you leaving a legacy of love? Christ's love.  Are you leaving a legacy of selflessness and prayer? 


I want to leave a legacy.  


Lyrics to Nichole Nordemann's "Legacy"

I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much

I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...

Joan Hack

September 22, 1941- June 8, 2010

Love and Marriage

It seems that there's a trend of "blogging boldly" lately.  I haven't jumped on that bandwagon, until now.  Please bear with me as this post will not have photos, recipes, or funny stories about my precious girls.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about marriage lately and feel it unfair to keep my thoughts to myself.   So, here goes:

I love my husband.  I knew he was the one I was going to marry before he did. :) Almost 9 years ago, I stood in front of 124 people (and God) and vowed to love him forever.  Through sickness and health.  Through good times and bad.  Until death parts us.  And I meant it.  I don't know why I'm still surprised when I hear about people divorcing.  It's common now (sadly). What's more surprising to me than anything is that divorce is nearly as common among those that consider themselves "Christian church-goers" as it is for those that are not affiliated with organized religion.

I've said to Brian over and over, "I just don't get it.  How do you get to a point that you are willing to walk away?"  Now I'm not talking about abuse.  I would never condone anyone staying in a relationship where physical violence was involved.  That is NEVER ok.  But I would dare to say that the majority of marriages that have ended in divorce are NOT due to abuse.  

Most folks I know say that they just grew apart.  Stopped talking.  They say they fell out of love.  My favorite is when I hear "it just wasn't working."  I don't get that.  What wasn't working? The magic marriage fairy? I hate to tell ya, but there is no such thing.  No one else is going to make your marriage "work" except for you and your spouse.  

(this is the part where I give completely unsolicited advice)
What do you do when that happens?  My solution? Don't let it get there.  It takes two to grow apart.  In silence, two people are not talking.  Make your marriage a daily priority.  Don't get complacent.  There are books about marriage; literally thousands of them.  Hang out with people that have healthy marriages.  Learn to communicate with each other.  (Admittedly this is something we are getting better at, but only after nine years).  Speak your spouse's "Love Language."  (This is referring to a fantastic book called the "Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman).   Go on dates without kids.  Probably most important, is- pray together.  My cousin, who is also a pastor, said that he has never counseled a couple that prayed together.  He wasn't calling it a cure-all, but there certainly has to be a correlation.  Couples that pray together don't end up in counseling.  At least not in his office.  So we committed to doing that.  I will say that at first it was awkward and even a bit embarrassing.  But we persevered and now our day does not feel complete without it.   I was also given a great bit of advice before I got married.  It went something like this, "Don't ever speak badly about your husband to others.  When they see him, they won't remember his redeeming qualities but rather all the complaints you have spoken about him."  How true.  There is power in our words, which is why I think it's equally as important to make sure my husband knows that I recognize his redeeming qualities, and admire him for them.      

Is each day going to be easy? No.

Is each day as a parent easy? Heck no! But we keep doing it because it's what we are called to do.  And it's a commitment we made when we had children.  And because the rewards far outweigh the stress.

Marriage is not all butterflies and roses.  Some days are better than others.  That's where the "for better or for worse" comes in.  It's a choice to love just as it is a choice to leave.

Especially for those that love the Lord, and trust in God's promises, if you believe the Bible, then divorce is not an option.  Fight for your marriage.  Some friends of ours attended a marriage conference in Virginia and they were told,  "Each day in marriage is a battle because the devil is fighting against it.  So put on the armor of God and go to war."  Even Pat Benetar said "Love is a Battlefield." (hehe!)

I may be stepping on toes, and you may disagree, but I'm just tired of the tolerance we have taken on the issue of divorce.  I'm sure you know great people that got divorced.  I do too.  I also know folks that fought hard for their marriage and the other spouse just wasn't willing to do their part.  But I also know people that got divorced and later regretted it.  I also know folks that started fighting for their marriage too late. Don't be one of those (see paragraph 5 above).  I know there's more I'm missing and I know there are scriptures to back up my suggestions (and maybe even statistics from research journals), but this much I know: Anything worth having, is worth working for.  

I'm stepping off my soapbox now.  Thanks for listening.