Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I want to remember

There are so many moments that I want to blog about but then life happens and writing gets put by the wayside.  But this time, right now, I want to remember.  I want to look back years from now and be able to recall all the feelings.  The season we are in right now is precious.  And hard.  And so good! This post will be long.  But the details are for me.  I don't want to forget how sovereign God was and is in this whole process.

Before we were even married, Brian and I talked about adoption.  We both said that "someday" we would love to add to our family through adoption.  We kind of just knew that when the time was right, the Lord would let us know.  We had three amazing little girls, and after our third was born, my doctor said "I think you should count your blessings and be done." My pregnancy and delivery with her were difficult and scary.  While I knew that being pregnant again did not sound fun, to hear my doctors words made it seem much more final.  And sad.  I was done having babies.  But that's when the Lord reminded me that love is not born in your belly.  It's born in your heart.  Brian and I revisited the idea of adoption around the time that Bailey was two, and we both felt that it just wasn't the right time yet.  After she started kindergarten, we started looking into it again. And praying. We both felt like the time was finally right.  We tried to attend orientation meetings at the county offices for three months but something always came up.

In January of 2014 we started our official journey.  We attended an informational meeting about fostering and adopting through our county and were told that a new program was set to launch in March where the county works closely with faith based families, meeting at churches, to get them through the process.  It was a perfect fit for us.  So we waited.  We went to the kickoff meeting in March and filled out all the paperwork! Then we waited.  The training classes were set to start in May.  For two months we learned all about the "system" and how to deal with children that have been exposed to trauma.  My momma-heart broke every single week for the ones that just needed to be loved.  We did all the homework; we started preparing for state inspections and county home studies; we cleaned every closet, bought a crib, and outlet plugs.  We finished our last class in June.  Then we waited.  The state came to inspect our home in July.  And then we waited.  Our county home study had visits in August and September.  Our home study was submitted on September 18th, 2014.  That brings us to now.  What are we doing now? You guessed it.  We are waiting.

Up to this point, there has always been another step for us to complete.  But now we have done the entire checklist.  There's literally nothing else to do but wait for our phone to ring to let us know our family has been matched to a baby boy.  We have a cupboard full of bottles.  We have a swing, car seat, bouncy seat, pack n play, diapers, formula, drawers full of clothes, blankets, carriers, and the hundreds of other tiny things that babies need.  We are ready.  Most importantly, our hearts are ready. Our little guys is already SO loved! That's what makes this waiting even harder.  It reminds me of a line from "When Harry Met Sally." Toward the end, he tells her, "When you realize that you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible." It feels a bit like that.  We want our family of 6 to begin as soon as possible.

Months ago, a wise friend told me to find purpose in the waiting.  At the time I thought, "of course there's purpose.  I have to get ready." But now that we are ready, and we are still waiting, I am realizing what she meant.  Her words were directly from the Lord.  Find purpose in the waiting.  Don't get so caught up in the waiting that you fail to see the people around you that need you now.  Enjoy today.  Enjoy the girls.  Enjoy your sleep.  (Haha!) Enjoy the anticipation.  Pray for him.  Pray for his birth mother because every adoption begins with a loss.  Pray for the girls and the change of dynamics in our home.  Pray for your marriage.  Babies can be stressful.  Pray for a broken system.

One day soon we will get a call and our world will be forever changed.  It's so exciting to think about.  But until then, we wait.  With purpose.

You'll notice some changes to the blog very soon. The first is the name in the url.  Our old one didn't fit as we are adding a baby boy to the mix.  The "Triple Blessing" is the next to go as we will be more than tripley blessed.  The way I plan to survive having four kids is the same way I survive with three. Our new name reflects that:  A little coffee, and a lot of Jesus.  


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