I feel like a broken record lately. "Don't touch that." "Put your shoes away please." "Who emptied the DVD drawer again!?" "No, you may not have another snack. I'm making dinner." "Turn the tv off." "Who gave the baby markers?!" "Is your homework done?" "Wasn't this room JUST picked up?!" "Did you hear what I JUST said?!" "How in the WORLD did you climb OUT of your crib?!"
Some days feel like it would be more productive to just bang my head on a wall. I know that we have made the decision for me to stay home, and deal with all the sacrifices that come with that. It's for the greater good of the girls. It's just that some days it doesn't feel like it's for MY greater good. At the end of the day, I'm spent. I have nothing left to give. I know that feeling is not unique to SAHMs. Working moms must feel like they have even less to give.
Christmas seems to add a whole different layer too. This week (even though we're only halfway through), I was lamenting about how much I needed to get done. I have tons of gifts to buy (and praying money starts growing on trees), decorations to put out, a tree to buy and decorate, Christmas cards and letters to finish, cookies to bake, and memories to make. It's easy to feel overwhelmed.
Just when I start to feel defeated (and tired and cranky), it seems like the Lord sends me a little perspective. He doesn't require me to do any of those things on my to-do list. He just wants me to be with my blessings and cherish them for what they are.
There are plenty of folks that would love to have my to-do list if it means that they wouldn't have to sit in a hospital next to their sick child (like a friend of mine), or watch a loved one deal with a terminal illness (another friend of mine), or watch a marriage crumble (another friend of mine), or wonder how to pay for gifts because of unemployment (another friend), or even have children to celebrate the wonder of the holidays with (yes, another friend), or ache from losing a child (another friend).
This season I will count my blessings. Even the ones that don't seem like it. The baby is showing us she's not a baby anymore. She climbed out of her crib (more than once), and is talking non stop, as well as "asserting" herself more. I am thankful that she's healthy, bright, and obviously agile. Skylar wants every toy in every commercial, and even the "as seen on tv" items that are not toys. But I'm thankful she lacks nothing and has few cares in the world. Reagan has lists of things she wants to do over her Christmas break. More lists. But I'm thankful she loves Christmas as much as I do, and wants to spend time with her family.
I am truly thankful for this time of the year. With the hustle and bustle and long lists of things to do, I am still reminded that the greatest gift of all was given in the humblest of conditions. A baby born in a stable. There were no icicle lights, Christmas cards, or trees.
My blessings are many, my burdens are few. I'm praying the same for each of you.